Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the greatest drone mystery since your neighbor bought one to spy on his ex-wife! We've got MULTIPLE unidentified drones buzzing around a NAVAL WEAPONS STATION in New Jersey - because apparently, aliens looked at all the places in America and said, "You know what? Let's check out Jersey!"
And the response from our government? NOTHING! That's right - we've got Senators, Congressmen, and the Governor of New Jersey all asking questions, and they're getting the same response I get when I ask about the ingredients in a McRib! SILENCE!
Do you understand what this means? We've got mysterious drones - PLURAL - flying over a place where we keep NAVAL WEAPONS! Not the Jersey Shore, not Six Flags, not even one of those mysterious highway rest stops where truckers disappear - but a facility full of things that go BOOM!
The best part? Naval Weapons Station Earle is "speaking out." When the people whose job it is to keep quiet about weapons start talking, you know things are weird! It's like when the CIA starts doing TikTok dances - something's definitely wrong!
And where are these drones coming from? China? Russia? Hoboken? Maybe it's Jeff Bezos doing some late-night reconnaissance for a new Amazon fulfillment center! Or maybe Mark Zuckerberg's trying to figure out where to build his next underground bunker!
This is America in 2024, folks! Where we can track your phone's location down to the inch when you're late on a payment, but somehow we can't figure out who's joy-riding drones over our military installations!
The scariest part? New Jersey politicians are actually trying to get answers! When was the last time you saw a New Jersey politician want transparency about ANYTHING? This is the state that invented political opacity! If they're worried, we should all be worried!
Remember folks, in the grand tradition of American security theater, if you see something, say something - unless it's a drone over a weapons facility, then apparently nobody's listening! Maybe we should try posting about it on Truth Social - seems to get more attention these days than official channels!
God bless America, and God bless whatever bizarre drone ballet is happening over New Jersey! I'm sure it's fine! Everything's fine! Now, who's up for some Jersey Shore outlets?
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